Today Is Another Family Caregiver Day

This morning I don my family PAL hat, as opposed to my professional PAL hat.

 

Monday is one of my days to care for mom. So up at 5:30 a.m. to be to sisters by 8:00. Mom needs to go for blood tests today and can't eat, so we're going to get an early start... well so I thought.

Mom is getting very slow these days so I need to be super patient which isn't always easy. Most of us are so used to doing things fast - just donning our clothes and jumping in the car. Not so when you are a person of 91 years. An hour to dress an then 15 minutes to load into car before we can go. But that is just the way it is, we must move at their speed, we cannot hurry the family member we care for.

After blood tests mom wants to go to lunch. I can't say no, she doesn't get out much and lunch out means so much to her, and its worth the effort. I then spend the rest of the day with her at my sisters house while my sister is at work. I know how stressful this is becoming for my sister and I try to do as much as I can to lighten the load. Tomorrow I have my client I care for but must spend some time looking into a place for mom. Will update you on the search process and how it all progresses.

Until then Take Care

Ruth Anne

Caring for Mom and Dad

Dear Friends,

Did you see the recent PBS show entitled: Caring For Mom & Dad ?

 

Until now my blog posts have been about being a professional caregiver. However today I want to switch gears a bit and talk about being a PAL caregiver for a family member. You see I have done both. If you have read my posts you know  I have worked for other families caring for their loved ones, however I have never posted about caring for a family member as I have done for many many years. I can tell you from experience that they are in so many ways very different

My father passed away in 2001 suddenly, leaving my mother, who has severe macular degeneration, to live alone. My siblings and I did not feel that it was safe for her to live alone as she was about 45 minutes away from both my sister and I  and could not drive or care for other needs on her own. She was 77 at the time. Without hesitation we decided to have mom move in with us and she lived with my husband and I for 9 1/2 years. She has now been living with my sister for the last 4 1/2 years and is now 91.

The stress of having someone else in your household is heavy. The decisions you have to make for a family member such as a mom or dad are complicated and not always easy.

Caregivers - Never Minimize Your Impact On Peoples Lives

Little Things Mean A Lot

Because we work with seniors or others who may be nearing the end of their life, we will experience loss. I have written about this before, but felt the need to travel this road again because of events in recent days.

Monday as I was leaving the senior community, three of the kitchen employees passed me and mentioned that a resident we all felt very dear to us was in hospice care and not expected to make it through the night. I was on my way to my other client but knew I needed to stop in and see her before I left as tomorrow would be to late. As I entered her apartment I was greeted by her family, all there to be with her at the end.

They did not know me, but all expressed their gratitude that I stopped in to see mom. Although she could not talk, she smiled as I entered the room. I took her hand and told her how much I cared for her and would never forget the moments we shared. I knew she would be gone by morning, but held back the tears. I let her know although she would be missed greatly, it was OK to go. She smiled and nodded.

When I came in Tuesday sure enough she had passed. I was so happy that I took the time, however brief, to say goodbye yesterday for as I feared today would have been to late.

When a loved one is dying the family goes through a wide range of emotions. We as caregivers and friends can do much to relieve some of the stress even for a moment by stopping by to share a hug, a story or just a smile. Don't be afraid of the dying or their families, we all have or will be there ourselves one day.

Take Care,
Ruth Anne

Independent Caregivers: Beef Up Your Resume'

If you have been working as an independent caregiver for a while you no doubt have a lot of experience behind you.

However you may want to think about getting some certifications to help you compete in this ever growing market. You may not have the time to take classes at a university because of your need to continue working. If this is the case there are other resources for you to work with to get the education you need and the certifications that will not only help you in your profession but also make your resume more appealing to prospective employers.

If you are working with the ever growing population of Alzheimer's and dementia patients please check out the Alzheimer's Association website. Not only is there a wealth of information for you to draw from, but you can also take a course on their website dealing with Alzheimer's care and you will then be tested on your knowledge. Once you pass the course you will be able to print a certificate that you can add to your resume'. The course includes excellent material complied by experts in the field and since the course is online you can take and complete it in your own time. 

 I will add more resources in the days to come.

Please share your resources with the rest if us. We all learn from each other. As I always say we are on this care giving road together, let's all help each other. Not only will we benefit but more importantly our clients benefit and that makes it worth all the effort.

Take care....

Ruth Anne

I Simply Must Share This Tip

"...when it worked. It was like I had just won a million dollars."

I want to pass along a tip to all of you who are caring for dementia / Alz clients. If you are a professional caregiver or caring for a loved one who has dementia I can almost guarantee that you have or will run into the problem of teeth brushing. Getting a dementia patient to brush their teeth can ( pardon my pun) be harder than pulling teeth.

I have struggled with this for sometime and have searched the Internet for any advice. Well last week I finally found a tip that works ( most of the time), and believe me most of the time is better then almost never, you know.

I must credit this tip with the source Teepa Snow. If you have not see her, take the time to Google her name and watch some of her presentations you will gain some real insite.

Here is the procedure that I tried from her suggestions:

Stand behind your client/loved one, place your hand on their dominate shoulder ( that is to say If they are right handed put your hand in their right shoulder, left handed put your hand on left shoulder) this gets their brain to focus on your hand. Then hold the tooth brush in your hand with their hand on top off yours. Gently guide your hand to their mouth while telling them we need to brush your teeth or we need to clean your teeth. Don't force the brush in ,be kind and gentle talking to them quietly while you run the brush over their teeth. Sounds easy right! Well it's not, but I can tell you this it does work, like I said most of the time.

I can't tell you how I felt when it worked. It was like I had just won a million dollars. I felt so good that I was able to help my client accomplish this task. If you are a caregiver you know! Things that in normal life are trivial become such a challenge and when we face that challenge and have a victory, well it feels really good.

I hope this tip helps you. And please feel free to share your tips here. I will post them for others to benefit from. We all learn from each other. Remember you are not in this care giving challenge alone, there are many of us here with you and we care.

Take care and please share.....ha that rhymes.

Ruth Anne

Like Ground Hog Day

As I reflect on the past few days I can't help but feel like Bill Murray in the film Ground Hog Day. Remember that silly movie where he keeps reliving the same day over and over again? Well seems to me that the life of a caregiver is a bit like that. You gain a new client, get close to them and before you know it you are saying goodbye. Then with a new client the process can start again.

I know it is the nature of our business, however when you lose 3 great guys in less than 2 years it hurts. It hurts every time. I mistakenly thought each time I met my new client, 'oh we'll be together for several years'. There was nothing to indicate that they would die so quickly. But then that just goes to show you we are not in control. We can do our best but in the end everyone dies, and it hurts.

Does this mean I think we should keep our emotional distance?

No never, at least not for me. Being human
and really caring about the lives of our clients is what sets a good PAL apart from the rest. Share your thoughts with us on loss and how you handle it. We all learn from each other.

Take good care.
Ruth Anne

Timing Can Be Key to Working With Alzheimer's Clients

Get to know your client's ebbs and flows

I have found in dealing with my Alzheimer clients that the key to getting them to work with you is timing. Take a case in point - showers.

Showers can be very trying on both you and your client. In advanced stages of the disease showering can become a real issue. They do not see things the way they normally would. So to them a shower may be a real perceived threat to them and it makes it very difficult to get them to cooperate when you are trying to help them.

I can truly say that there is no magic fix for this, I have looked for one, talked to other Caregivers about one, researched for one. But I do know this; that if you get them at a time when they are in a better mood and not tired they may respond better. Now I did say better, not easy. You will still have to be calm and patient with them, don't try to rush them just because you are uncomfortable and want to get it over with. This will not work. You may have a set day and time for bathing, you may have to adjust. Get to know your client's ebbs and flows so to speak and go with the flow.

I know many of you caregivers out there are struggling with this issue and I would love to hear your thoughts. What has worked for you. If we all share we can learn from each other and become better caregivers. Please comment or send an email.

As always take care my friends
Ruth Anne

Working with Seniors ? Touch Them Today - Tomorrow may be To Late.

Early one morning I arrived to find , as I many times do, that the EMS unit was again parked at the front of the building...

~ without even the chance to say good by they are gone ~

Who was it today? What had happened? I walked down to the cafe to get the morning's juice and fruit for my clients and was struck by the residents sitting in and around the lobby - all but motionless, the look all to familiar. What had happened screamed loudly from their faces even though they uttered no sound.

As the medics rounded the corner guiding a gurney with a blanketed resident on it, everyone began to mutter to each other, "can you see who it is? I think its Mary, no it's Martha, oh what is wrong?"
"She seemed fine at dinner last night" one of them says. "I heard she fell" said another.

All the talk that day is about Martha, all hoping she will be OK and return soon, and she did. However often those we watch being taken out do not return. And without even the chance to say good by they are gone never to return to dinner or bingo or the Monday night card party.

Everyday I take the time to talk to as many residents as I can. Give a hug, a kiss or just a simple touch on the shoulder. I tell them how happy I am to know them. We have a laugh or sometimes cry, but we connect. I never know if tomorrow may be to late.

Take Care My Friends
Ruth Anne

A Caregivers Giving Can Mean A Lot

As Caregivers - We Give

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” ― Winston S. Churchill

  We as caregivers give our time and energy to our clients in an effort to make their lives better. This brings rich rewards to them as well as to ourselves. In addition to our time, small tangible gifts that cost us little can make another person smile and feel loved in a way we might never expect.

  A couple of weeks ago I stopped at a garage sale on my way to work and picked up a bunch of beaded bracelets and rings, they were really nice. The lady selling them was closing a shop she had and just wanted to move the items out, so I got a whole bag of jewlery items for $25.00. My first thought was to resell them on my online store and make a profit, but when I got to work another thought hit me - 'How much better to bring some smiles to the seniors living at the complex where I worked.'

  After lunch I grabbed my bag and headed to the lobby where many relax and began giving the ladies their choice. They were amazed and kept asking 'how much do I owe you?' I told them that they owed me nothing, they were a gift. The ladies were thrilled, each taking turns picking out of the bag something they liked. As I watched them showing off their gems, tears came to my eyes and I thought to myself  'that was the best 25$ I ever spent.'

  We have all heard of the people who pay it forward - why not join the crowd. Walk into a senior home and spread some joy. You will never feel better about yourself. I guarantee it.

Talk care my friends

Ruth Anne