Caregiver Survival In The ER: How It's Done

Here we are again. Back in the ER in Henry Ford Hospital - West Bloomfield.

I cannot tell you the amount of hours I have spent here with my mother. Today she has been having swelling in her legs so we went to visit her doctor. The doc wants to rule out blood clots, so what started out as an in office doctor visit instead turns into a whole ER Adventure!

If you care for a parent or a patient/client then you know an ER visit is never quick. I have never been here for less than 4 hours - usually longer. I have gone through entire nurse shifts here! But this is what we do for our loved ones. We put aside our desires our plans and do for them what needs to be done, because we love them and we want the best for them. Does it get frustrating? Yes sometimes it does, but then life is full of frustrations and that's just the way it is.

In the next room a young man is sitting with what looks like his mother or grandmother. He has obviously been through this before because he is working on his laptop; he came prepared. If you do this once then you learn how to prepare for the next time and the next.. Like me, you may even put together an ER bag with snacks, Sudoku puzzles Tylenol,  because if your are a caregiver you will learn the drill and do it often.

How Do You Survive All Those Trips To The ER ?

Share your ER survival tricks with me. Personally I make sure I have phone charger, food and my 'meds' because, I may be here a long time!


Take care and please share,
Ruth Anne

Wills, Advanced Medical Directive & Power of Attorney

Do you have all of your proper paperwork completed and ready?

Today I watched a new series on PBS titled "Your Turn to Care". It is a four part series on caring for our aging parents which touches on some of the things we as caregivers face.

One segment touched on the need to have all the proper paperwork completed in advance of any issues arising so that we are, as the one gentlemen put it, " proactive instead of reactive". If we are properly prepared for what we know will in time come up, we can be much more relaxed and confident that we can handle any situation to come up. There are three very important pieces of information that ALL adults should have completed, not just the elderly. They are:

1. A Will
2. Advanced Medical Directive / Advance Health Care Directive
3. Power of Attorney

Today I will talk about the Will. Many people have the mistaken view

What is An Advanced Medical Directive? Who needs one?

Lets now talk about that second document every adult should have "THE ADVANCED MEDICAL DIRECTIVE"

What is it and why is it important?


Your Advanced Medical Directive, your AMD, is another tool that allows you to make your wishes known in advance of a medical emergency so you get the care you want and do not leave your loved ones grappling with the hard decision of guessing 'what does mom or dad would want us to do?'. There are two main areas that you are going to cover with this directive.

1. End of Life Decisions:

You will be electing to either prolong your life at all costs, such as being put on a ventilator or other machine to keep you alive when you can no longer sustain life on your own, or you may chose Not to prolong life if  certain circumstances occur: an example would be

Today Is Another Family Caregiver Day

This morning I don my family PAL hat, as opposed to my professional PAL hat.

 

Monday is one of my days to care for mom. So up at 5:30 a.m. to be to sisters by 8:00. Mom needs to go for blood tests today and can't eat, so we're going to get an early start... well so I thought.

Mom is getting very slow these days so I need to be super patient which isn't always easy. Most of us are so used to doing things fast - just donning our clothes and jumping in the car. Not so when you are a person of 91 years. An hour to dress an then 15 minutes to load into car before we can go. But that is just the way it is, we must move at their speed, we cannot hurry the family member we care for.

After blood tests mom wants to go to lunch. I can't say no, she doesn't get out much and lunch out means so much to her, and its worth the effort. I then spend the rest of the day with her at my sisters house while my sister is at work. I know how stressful this is becoming for my sister and I try to do as much as I can to lighten the load. Tomorrow I have my client I care for but must spend some time looking into a place for mom. Will update you on the search process and how it all progresses.

Until then Take Care

Ruth Anne

Caring for Mom and Dad

Dear Friends,

Did you see the recent PBS show entitled: Caring For Mom & Dad ?

 

Until now my blog posts have been about being a professional caregiver. However today I want to switch gears a bit and talk about being a PAL caregiver for a family member. You see I have done both. If you have read my posts you know  I have worked for other families caring for their loved ones, however I have never posted about caring for a family member as I have done for many many years. I can tell you from experience that they are in so many ways very different

My father passed away in 2001 suddenly, leaving my mother, who has severe macular degeneration, to live alone. My siblings and I did not feel that it was safe for her to live alone as she was about 45 minutes away from both my sister and I  and could not drive or care for other needs on her own. She was 77 at the time. Without hesitation we decided to have mom move in with us and she lived with my husband and I for 9 1/2 years. She has now been living with my sister for the last 4 1/2 years and is now 91.

The stress of having someone else in your household is heavy. The decisions you have to make for a family member such as a mom or dad are complicated and not always easy.

Caregivers - Never Minimize Your Impact On Peoples Lives

Little Things Mean A Lot

Because we work with seniors or others who may be nearing the end of their life, we will experience loss. I have written about this before, but felt the need to travel this road again because of events in recent days.

Monday as I was leaving the senior community, three of the kitchen employees passed me and mentioned that a resident we all felt very dear to us was in hospice care and not expected to make it through the night. I was on my way to my other client but knew I needed to stop in and see her before I left as tomorrow would be to late. As I entered her apartment I was greeted by her family, all there to be with her at the end.

They did not know me, but all expressed their gratitude that I stopped in to see mom. Although she could not talk, she smiled as I entered the room. I took her hand and told her how much I cared for her and would never forget the moments we shared. I knew she would be gone by morning, but held back the tears. I let her know although she would be missed greatly, it was OK to go. She smiled and nodded.

When I came in Tuesday sure enough she had passed. I was so happy that I took the time, however brief, to say goodbye yesterday for as I feared today would have been to late.

When a loved one is dying the family goes through a wide range of emotions. We as caregivers and friends can do much to relieve some of the stress even for a moment by stopping by to share a hug, a story or just a smile. Don't be afraid of the dying or their families, we all have or will be there ourselves one day.

Take Care,
Ruth Anne

Independent Caregivers: Beef Up Your Resume'

If you have been working as an independent caregiver for a while you no doubt have a lot of experience behind you.

However you may want to think about getting some certifications to help you compete in this ever growing market. You may not have the time to take classes at a university because of your need to continue working. If this is the case there are other resources for you to work with to get the education you need and the certifications that will not only help you in your profession but also make your resume more appealing to prospective employers.

If you are working with the ever growing population of Alzheimer's and dementia patients please check out the Alzheimer's Association website. Not only is there a wealth of information for you to draw from, but you can also take a course on their website dealing with Alzheimer's care and you will then be tested on your knowledge. Once you pass the course you will be able to print a certificate that you can add to your resume'. The course includes excellent material complied by experts in the field and since the course is online you can take and complete it in your own time. 

 I will add more resources in the days to come.

Please share your resources with the rest if us. We all learn from each other. As I always say we are on this care giving road together, let's all help each other. Not only will we benefit but more importantly our clients benefit and that makes it worth all the effort.

Take care....

Ruth Anne

I Simply Must Share This Tip

"...when it worked. It was like I had just won a million dollars."

I want to pass along a tip to all of you who are caring for dementia / Alz clients. If you are a professional caregiver or caring for a loved one who has dementia I can almost guarantee that you have or will run into the problem of teeth brushing. Getting a dementia patient to brush their teeth can ( pardon my pun) be harder than pulling teeth.

I have struggled with this for sometime and have searched the Internet for any advice. Well last week I finally found a tip that works ( most of the time), and believe me most of the time is better then almost never, you know.

I must credit this tip with the source Teepa Snow. If you have not see her, take the time to Google her name and watch some of her presentations you will gain some real insite.

Here is the procedure that I tried from her suggestions:

Stand behind your client/loved one, place your hand on their dominate shoulder ( that is to say If they are right handed put your hand in their right shoulder, left handed put your hand on left shoulder) this gets their brain to focus on your hand. Then hold the tooth brush in your hand with their hand on top off yours. Gently guide your hand to their mouth while telling them we need to brush your teeth or we need to clean your teeth. Don't force the brush in ,be kind and gentle talking to them quietly while you run the brush over their teeth. Sounds easy right! Well it's not, but I can tell you this it does work, like I said most of the time.

I can't tell you how I felt when it worked. It was like I had just won a million dollars. I felt so good that I was able to help my client accomplish this task. If you are a caregiver you know! Things that in normal life are trivial become such a challenge and when we face that challenge and have a victory, well it feels really good.

I hope this tip helps you. And please feel free to share your tips here. I will post them for others to benefit from. We all learn from each other. Remember you are not in this care giving challenge alone, there are many of us here with you and we care.

Take care and please share.....ha that rhymes.

Ruth Anne

Like Ground Hog Day

As I reflect on the past few days I can't help but feel like Bill Murray in the film Ground Hog Day. Remember that silly movie where he keeps reliving the same day over and over again? Well seems to me that the life of a caregiver is a bit like that. You gain a new client, get close to them and before you know it you are saying goodbye. Then with a new client the process can start again.

I know it is the nature of our business, however when you lose 3 great guys in less than 2 years it hurts. It hurts every time. I mistakenly thought each time I met my new client, 'oh we'll be together for several years'. There was nothing to indicate that they would die so quickly. But then that just goes to show you we are not in control. We can do our best but in the end everyone dies, and it hurts.

Does this mean I think we should keep our emotional distance?

No never, at least not for me. Being human
and really caring about the lives of our clients is what sets a good PAL apart from the rest. Share your thoughts with us on loss and how you handle it. We all learn from each other.

Take good care.
Ruth Anne