Meeting with VA for Fudiciary Account Posponed a Week

Happy Saturday to all,

Our meeting with the VA rep to set up mom's fiduciary account was suppose to be yesterday. The rep called in sick so now the meeting is set for next Friday 2/19/2016. I was disappointed as I hoped to have information to share with you on how the process works, but this extra week with give you more time to send in your questions about VA Aid and Attendance Benefits. You can use the link at bottom of article or you can email me at ruthann@palcaregivers.com.

Hope to hear from some more of you as this is a great chance to get you questions answered by a expert, the rep, not me.....


Until Next Time
Take Care
Ruth Anne

Meeting With VA For Fiduciary Account This Week

Hello Everyone, 

Well the Super Bowl is over tomorrow is Fat Tuesday and the weather is still not that bad here in Michigan. All this means we are marching ever forward toward spring...hooray !

This week we finally will be meeting with the person from the VA to set up the fiduciary account for my mother's Aid and Attendance Benefits. Now mind you she has been getting monthly benefits since June of last year so that tells you how far behind the VA is in getting stuff done. 

For those of you who are working with the VA setting up a fiduciary account may be in your future too. Just what is a fiduciary and why do we need to go through this process? I will try and explain to the best of my knowledge.

When we applied for mom's benefits she was, because of her dementia, deemed unable to manage her finances by the VA. We already knew this as she no longer could remember to even ask about her finances which was quite a change for her. All her life she was sharp as a tack when it came to money. She worked hard and saved her money wisely. She knew where her money was and when things came due etc... Because of her failing eyesight myself or my sister have been helping her with her bills for years but she always knew exactly what was what. Then about a year and a half ago she just stopped showing interest in it. By this time she was living at my sisters and my sister was a signer on her accounts so I guess mom knew in her mind everything was taken care of. 

Moving Mom Into An Adult Foster Care Home For the Aged

Hello Everyone,

After another fall and a return to rehab for several weeks my sister and I have finally taken the steps to move mom to and Adult Foster Care Home ( also called Homes for the Aged ) on a full time basis. This was one of the hardest,  heartwrenching decision we have ever had to make, but it was best for all.

AFC - a house like you or I would live in, only with some modifications inside to accommodate the residents.

My mom as you may know from my previous posts has lived with either myself or my sister since 2001 when dad passed away. She is now almost 92 and has started to develop dementia. My sister and I are not getting any younger and the increased care my mother required was making it very difficult. She could no longer be left alone even for a few hours to go shopping so we had to have someone with her around the clock and night time care literally meant no sleep for my sister, who has and needs to keep her daytime job as her husband was laid off after 27 years, leaving them with one income.

We therefore decided it was time. Time to make things better for all involved, especially mom. We searched and searched and finally found a wonderful Adult Foster Care Home only 10 minutes from both of us.

Great Alternative to A Nursing Home : Adult Foster Homes For The Aged

Have you heard of Adult Foster Care Homes For The Aged ?

Hello Everyone I hope all are doing well today. Yesterday evening in our search for a nice place for mom, my sister and I visited an Adult Foster Home for the elderly (AFC). They are in a different class than regular foster homes and are specifically set up for elder care. These homes are popping up all over the place as the need for elder care is increasing and people dread the thought of a nursing home. I can tell you they are a wonderful choice for many. But as always one must do your homework.

Let me give you an idea of the set up. They are a home, yes a house like you or I would live in, only with some modifications inside to accommodate the residents. But from the outside you could never tell that a regular family did not live there. Many states put them in several categories, the smallest being a 1-6 resident, then they go up to 7-12 etc.

The home we looked at yesterday was beautiful and the people were wonderful. It is run by a young polish couple and they have three kids. They live in the upstairs of the home and the lower level is set up for the residents. What I personally like about these types of homes is the small setting with ease of navigation around a beautiful space that is not to big. This makes it great for those with dementia as they are not inclined to get lost as much as they would in a large residence. The people who run these homes and also live there usually have wonderful food, and we smelled some great polish cooking as they had finished dinner not to long before we arrived. The presence of children and a kitty cat added to the stimulation and interaction of the residents and this is wonderful for the children to grow up in. It is such a loving environment. It was bright and clean and just wonderful. 

If you are looking for a place for a loved one, check out Adult Foster Homes for the Aged. Now they are a bit hard to find. Usually you have to find them from referrals, but if you go to your states website on housing and regulatory affairs - here's the Michigan site http://www.dleg.state.mi.us/brs_afc/sr_afc.asp , you can type in your zip code and search for them. You may also find ones for the mentally ill listed there so you have to click on the name to see what kind of care they provide, some are only mentally ill and disabled others are strictly homes for the aged and those with dementia. On your states website you can also check to see if the home has had any violations and if so what they were. The state should be quite open and specific in sharing the violation and subsequent follow up, along with any actions taken by the state. This is what I mean by doing your homework. But in this case the state can make it very easy. 

My sister and I have now chosen two places we think mom would do well in, the only thing holding us up is making the final decision to move her and it's a tough one. Like my sister said yesterday, 'some days I think I can do this and other days I just don't think I can take it anymore'. I am right there with her. Some days my back is breaking helping mom shower and dress but then I look at her and she gives me that smile and tells me she loves me and I think, 'I can't make her move'.

It can be so hard to make the final decision about moving your loved one. I wish there was someone who would just come in and say "here is what needs to be done now!". But that's not going to happen. The decisions are up to my sister and I and we both love my mom so much, as I know you love those you are caring for. 

AFC - a house like you or I would live in,
only with some modifications inside
to accommodate the residents.

I suggested to my sister maybe respite care for a month or two the rest of the summer, but that is more expensive and mom's resources are limited, however it may give my sister and here husband the break they need. I have also offered to stay with mom for some long weekends so they can escape for awhile. So we will see. It isn't easy and as always there is the guilt we caregivers feel - the ever present guilt - ugg!

Until Next Time
Take Care
Ruth Anne

Facing The Tough Decision To Place Mom In An Assisted Living

As my readers know I am not only a professional caregiver, I am also, along with my sister caring for my 91 yr old mother. Now we are at a crossroads in her care.

The task of caring for her at home is becoming just to much for my sister and I. And so we are searching for the next place to plant our foot on this journey of family cargiving. This is the toughest step we have had to take so far, but for the sake of all of us it is a step I feel we must take. Even if the road is a bit rocky and our footing is a bit unsure we must trudge ever forward.

Today we looked at a facility that is classified as an adult foster home in Michigan. It is the largest of its type, as classified in the state, being a 20 bed facility. In Michigan there are 3 types of adult foster homes licensed by the state, which are also called homes for the aged. They are 6 resident, 7-10resident and 11-20 resident.

The facility was nice with private rooms with private bath, staff seemed nice and she can bring some of her own furniture. And best of all it is close to all of her family and friends and so visiting will be easier. The only draw back is she only has enough money to stay there for 2 yrs which means if she runs out of funds and has to go on Medicaid we will have to move her again in 2 years. 

Monday I will reach out to the Area Agency on Aging ( most every county in the U.S. has one) to see what advise they can offer as we make some very tough and sometimes scary decisions.

My mom is a wonderful person and a great parent, grandparent and great grandparent and we want see to it that she is as happy as possible during her final years. And that is why these decisions are so hard to make.  I will share with all of you the progress we make as we take these next very tenuous steps. The time has come, the time no child looks forward to, when we have to make decisions for our parents that they may not at first like, hopefully mom will understand and know it is for the best. At least I pray she does.

Until next time

Take care my friends and share the story of your journey on this road with us. The old saying goes there is strength in numbers, and we all need strength on this journey.

Ruth Anne

This always reminds me of a verse in scripture which says:

"Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." -John 21:18, New International Version 

It is a big responsibility.

Will

Wills, Advanced Medical Directive & Power of Attorney

Do you have all of your proper paperwork completed and ready?

Today I watched a new series on PBS titled "Your Turn to Care". It is a four part series on caring for our aging parents which touches on some of the things we as caregivers face.

One segment touched on the need to have all the proper paperwork completed in advance of any issues arising so that we are, as the one gentlemen put it, " proactive instead of reactive". If we are properly prepared for what we know will in time come up, we can be much more relaxed and confident that we can handle any situation to come up. There are three very important pieces of information that ALL adults should have completed, not just the elderly. They are:

1. A Will
2. Advanced Medical Directive / Advance Health Care Directive
3. Power of Attorney

Today I will talk about the Will. Many people have the mistaken view